Wednesday, June 30, 2010

From K9 Mag - Why do dogs bark?

Why Do Dogs Bark? 10 Dog Barks Translated

Published on June 16, 2010 by admin   ·   No Comments

http://www.k9magazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/dogfacingmanlrg.jpg

Unless you’re the proud of owner of a Basenji (the non-barking dog breed) there is every chance that once in a while your dog lets rip with a bark or barking session and you have no idea what they’re trying to say. Well wonder no more, we explain the common reasons behind 10 different dog barks….

1. Continuous rapid barking, midrange pitch: “Call the pack! There is a potential problem! Someone is coming into our territory!” Continuous barking but a bit slower and pitched lower: “The intruder [or danger] is very close. Get ready to defend yourself!”

2. Barking in rapid strings of three or four with pauses in between, midrange pitch: “I suspect that there may be a problem or an intruder near our territory. I think that the leader of the pack should look into it.”

3. Prolonged or incessant barking, with moderate to long intervals between each utterance: “Is there anybody there? I’m lonely and need companionship.” This is most often the response to confinement or being left alone for long periods of time.

4. One or two sharp short barks, midrange pitch: “Hello there!” This is the most typical greeting sound.

5. Single sharp short bark, lower midrange pitch: “Stop that!” This is often given by a mother dog when disciplining her puppies but may also indicate annoyance in any dog, such as when disturbed from sleep or if hair is pulled during grooming and so forth.

6. Single sharp short bark, higher midrange: “What’s this?” or “Huh?” This is a startled or surprised sound. If it is repeated two or three times its meaning changes to “Come look at this!” alerting the pack to a novel event. This same type of bark, but not quite as short and
sharp, is used to mean “Come here!”

Many dogs will use this kind of bark at the door to indicate that they want to go out. Lowering the pitch to a relaxed midrange means “Terrific!” or some other similar expletive, such as “Oh, great!” My cairn terrier, for example, who loves to jump, will give this single bark of joy when sent over the high jump. Other dogs give this same bark when given their food dish.

7. Single yelp or very short high-pitched bark: “Ouch!” This is in response to a sudden, unexpected pain.

8. Series of yelps: “I’m hurting!” “I’m really scared” This is in response to severe fear and pain.

9. Stutter-bark, midrange pitch: If a dog’s bark were spelled “ruff,” the stutter-bark would be spelled “ar-ruff.” It means “Let’s play!” and is used to initiate playing behaviour.

10. Rising bark: This is a bit hard to describe, although once you’ve heard it, it is unmistakable. It is usually a series of barks, each of which starts in the middle range but rises sharply in pitch – almost a bark-yelp, though not quite that high. It is a play bark, used during rough-and- tumble games, that shows excitement and translates as “This is fun!”

 

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Human speech

Taken from Daily Dog Tips

This is a good one!

 

Trained dogs can easily distinguish dozens of different words of human speech. It is always a temptation to believe that they actually understand what these words mean, yet given the nature of their own communication system, the odds seem strongly against it.

Dogs have come to associate certain sounds with certain actions, but those associations are often extremely dependent upon other contextual cues that we may not be aware of. One way to show this is to try giving a dog a familiar command over an intercom. Even a command that the dog is highly motivated to carry out is often ignored unless it is accompanied by some additional cues in our body language.

Indeed, for all of the many continuities that link humans with nonhuman animals, one of the great discontinuities is the way we use language. Human infants, almost as soon as they begin to learn the names of things, take a manifest pleasure in using the name for its own sake. They will point to an object and say what it is - not because they want it, but for no other reason than to share the pleasure of calling the attention of another human mind to it. Even language-trained animals, such as chimpanzees, that have been taught to create "sentences" with computer symbols or sign language expend something very close to 100 percent of their utterances on demands for food, toys, or attention. There is no evidence that they have an independent notion of the symbols as standing for concepts. They have, rather, learned to manipulate series of symbols to get results. Dogs have certainly learned to look at us, or come, when we speak their name, but there is not a scrap of evidence that they grasp the notion that their name is their name, in the sense that it stands for or represents them.

Given all that, however, it certainly seems odd that dogs can distinguish words in human language. Studies by Russian speech scientists found that dogs can readily be trained to distinguish the vowels a and i produced by an audio synthesizer; even when the base pitch of the vowels was changed, the dogs had no trouble telling the two apart.

Dogs may often be confused by substitutions of one consonant for another - try saying "Fly clown" instead of "Lie down," and your dog will probably react exactly the same. But the ability to distinguish vowels depends on rather precise analysis or the higher-pitched resonances that accompany their base pitch. Dogs do not utter vowels themselves; why should they be able to tell them apart when we say them?

The simple and general explanation for this happy circumstance is that ears are older than speech. Mammalian ears have been around for tens of millions of years, and the ears of all mammals have much in common. Human speech, however, has been around for only 100,000 years or so, and the human vocal tract is a unique and late development. Only humans possess the vocal apparatus needed to generate the sounds of speech. 

 

 

Friday, June 25, 2010

FW: Swim with the Dolphin industry..

---------------------------------
Swim with the Dolphins By Dr Andrew Jones
---------------------------------

I recently watched a documentary on a former
Aquarium trainer, who is now a major exporter
of dolphins, in the ' Swim with the Dolphin
Industry'

Animals exploited.

Yet again

And of course in the name of ...education?

Hardly

Here is specific info from the WSPSA site:


Fact versus Fiction

The Truth Behind The "Swim-With-Dolphins" Industry

For upwards of $70 per half hour, "swim-with-dolphins" programs offer
tourists and others the opportunity to swim with dolphins in a confined
setting. These increasingly popular programs work hard to promote an image
of happy dolphins swimming in their shallow blue enclosures and relishing
the attention of humans. When one takes the time to examine the facts behind
the captivity industry's claims, it quickly becomes apparent that these
dolphins are the helpless victims of our consumer culture's demand for
entertainment. WSPA has looked at some of the most common statements used by
the swim-with industry to support the keeping of dolphins in captivity and
has tried to unravel the fact from their fiction.


1. What the swim-with industry will tell you:
They love their dolphins. They will insist that they genuinely care about
the animals and use positive reinforcement and relationship building as the
primary tools in training.

The Facts:
The fact that these facilities love their dolphins is not the point. No one
questions their love for the animals. After all, who doesn't love dolphins?
That's why so many people are willing to spend hundreds of dollars to
participate in these programs. The real issue is whether swim-with programs
have the dolphin's best interest at heart. Remember, these are for-profit
businesses that thrive by keeping their expenses low and working the
dolphins as much as possible. Do you really believe that a dolphin is
happier having people ride around on its back and eating dead fish than it
would be frolicking freely with other dolphins in its natural environment?

The truth, whether it's called behavior training or positive reinforcement,
is that dolphins perform tricks in front of cheering spectators because they
are hungry. It's that simple. Whether food is used to positively reward
correct behavior such as a successful back flip or withheld to punish
incorrect behavior like ignoring a trainer's command, it still amounts to
food deprivation. Dolphin trainers know that if a dolphin has a stomach full
of fish, it won't perform. Call it what you will - performing dolphins are
the victims of selective starvation. Does this seem like a loving way to
treat dolphins?


2. What the swim-with industry will tell you:
"For a facility to display marine mammals federal permits are required and
standards for the care and maintenance of the animals must be met. Some of
these standards include pool size, water quality, fish storage and
preparation, and program content. All of our animal housing exceeds
government regulations." - Theater of the Sea, Florida

The captive industry in the United States asserts that the standards for the
care of dolphins in its interaction programs are the best in the world and
that their dolphins are well cared for and loved.

The facts:
Sure, the United States does have some regulations in place concerning
dolphin care and one could argue that the U.S. regulations are more
stringent than in other countries, but that still doesn't mean that the
regulations are appropriate or that they ensure an acceptable quality of
life for the dolphins. Of course they take good care of their dolphins:
healthy dolphins are cheaper and easier to maintain. But the fact remains
that captive dolphins are restricted, manipulated into doing things they
wouldn't normally do, and just plain stressed out, often to the point where
it kills them. As an example, in nature, dolphins swim up to 40 miles per
day. Under US standards - and we'll grant you that some facilities go above
and beyond regulations - you only have to give dolphins 30 x 30 feet to swim
in. So, we'll be extremely generous and suppose that operators in this
country give their captive dolphins 5 times what they're required.
Unfortunately, even in this scenario, which isn't reality, a dolphin would
still have to circle its pen 700 times to simulate what it would do
naturally in the wild. How big would a room have to be for you to spend the
rest of your life in it?


3. What the swim-with industry will tell you:
"By housing these animals, we are able to educate the public about them and
the conservation issues facing future generations." - Theater of the Sea,
Florida

Swim-with-dolphins facilities always stress that their programs are about
conservation and education. They promote the idea that direct contact with
dolphins is the best way to cement ideas about the need for conservation in
an individual's mind. They also argue that their captive dolphins provide
them with the opportunity to do valuable research regarding dolphins and
their behavior.

The facts:
The only "education" these programs offer is a misleading one. How can you
expect to learn anything about the true nature of dolphins when what you're
seeing are trained performers that aren't allowed to really be dolphins?
Captive dolphins are stripped of their natural behaviors and forced to
perform acrobatics and silly antics. They're not allowed to chase fish,
they're separated from their families and they don't get to ride the waves.
And maybe the worst thing of all is that they can't use their gift of
echolocation, because they have no fish to catch, no new places to explore.
For a human, that would be like suddenly losing your vision or hearing. If
these facilities were truly concerned with protecting the interests of
dolphins, would they imprison them in tanks and strip them of their dignity
in this way for the sheer amusement of humans?

Now, about conservation. First, there's no concrete evidence to support the
claim that these programs actually foster conservation. Humpback whales are
appreciated and protected by people who have never even seen a humpback
whale. On the other hand, tigers and rhinos are on the brink of extinction,
despite the fact that these animals have been displayed in zoos and circuses
for years. Taking it a step further, bottlenose dolphins, the very creatures
used in these spectacles, aren't even endangered, so how can the
conservation argument be valid in this case? Right now, the crisis facing
dolphins is not extinction, but the abuse suffered at the hands of humans.

As far as the idea of keeping dolphins in captivity being a benefit for
researchers, we ask this question: What's this research for? It would seem
that the only point to this research is to teach dolphin captors how to deal
with the ever growing inventory of captive dolphins in this country. In
light of the fact that dolphins in captivity, whether taken from the wild or
born in a tank, are stripped of all of their natural instincts and
behaviors, what can possibly be learned about wild dolphins by studying
these trained clowns?


4. What the swim-with industry will tell you:
"The dolphins in the program are gentle, patient, and attentive to the needs
of the ill or disabled. Their affection and acceptance is critical to a
person with disabilities." - Dolphin Human Therapy, Miami, Florida

These dolphins play an important role in therapy. Dolphins are naturally
social animals and have an abundance of unconditional love to share with
humans. It's amazing to see the effect they have on handicapped, especially
autistic, children. They'll say that they cherish their dolphins as healers
and that the animals choose to be with the children and want to help them.

The facts:
We can certainly understand a person going to any length possible to help an
ill or disabled loved one. But there simply is no scientific evidence to
substantiate the claim that spending time in a tank or enclosure with
dolphins has healing results for special-needs children.

To the contrary, the only guaranteed result is that the desperate parents of
ill or autistic children wind up paying large sums of money for short
periods of time in the water with dolphins. Although there may be a
momentary increase in the attention level of the child, the effects are
fleeting at best. And, in fact, some experts suggest that the inability to
provide this kind of stimulus on a consistent basis can actually have a
negative effect. However, pet-assisted therapy with dogs, cats and horses is
a well-proven technique that enables a child to receive consistent affection
and stimulation that can be beneficial in their treatment. Considering the
alternatives, why not adopt a pet from a shelter and change two lives for
the better?


5. What the swim-with industry will tell you:
"The Flipper dolphins demonstrate the grace and intelligence of Atlantic
bottlenose dolphins. The show includes jumps, spins, tailwalks, and flips,
all choreographed to music and accompanied by lively and informative
narration." - Miami Seaquarium, Miami, Florida

The captive industry will tell you that their dolphins were born and raised
in captivity; that living in tanks and performing tricks for people is all
that they have ever known. They will say that the dolphins are spoiled,
living in the lap of luxury safe from the dangers of pollution and predators
found in the ocean. They'll offer examples of cases involving animal rights
activists actually cutting the wires on dolphin pens to release the animals
only to have the dolphins swim right back into their pens as soon as it's
dinner time. They'll use this as the "evidence" to show that not only do
these dolphins want to live in captivity but also that they couldn't survive
on their own. A common statement made by the swim-with industry is along the
lines of: "We let our dolphins out to swim with wild dolphins and they never
try to escape. They always come back."

The facts:
Record keeping in the captive dolphin industry is unreliable at best. Many
times, it's impossible to determine exactly how a dolphin was acquired. Some
parks aren't even sure of their dolphins' true origins. Hundreds of dolphins
in captivity were wild before they were hunted down and taken for the
captivity industry.

WSPA is not saying we can release all captive dolphins, though some
certainly could be good candidates. What we are saying is that all dolphins
deserve to live as naturally as possible without the stress of having to
perform tricks in order to eat. WSPA's goal is to give these dolphins a
better quality of life. For many dolphins, that will mean rehabilitation and
eventual release back into the freedom of the ocean. For others who are not
suited for release, it will mean living out the remainder of their lives in
natural sea pens, where they are free to engage in natural behaviors,
interact with other dolphins, and escape the burden of having to perform.

Of course dolphins face certain dangers living in the ocean, but should the
mere possibility of danger be enough to take away a dolphin's freedom and
keep them in captivity? After all, humans face dangers every day just by
getting in their car and driving to work. Does this mean that we should all
just stay home and bury our heads under the covers? Think of everything you
would miss out on if you hid inside the "safety" of your home for the rest
of your life. WSPA believes that dolphins deserve to live in accordance with
their true natures, which just can't be achieved in captivity; despite our
best intentions and no matter how hard we try.

The anecdotal stories related by the swim-with industry concerning dolphins
returning to their pens instead of swimming off to freedom do not paint an
accurate picture of the dolphin's situation. These dolphins have been raised
by humans or taken from the wild, placed in captivity and taught by humans
to behave in certain ways. They are programmed and conditioned to respond to
commands and they learn to follow the daily routines that have been laid out
for them. In addition, they are fed dead fish, often losing the ability to
hunt and catch live fish for themselves. Given these circumstances, it is
not surprising that many dolphins will return to their pens at dinnertime!
Their free will has been subdued and they are unsure of their ability to
survive on their own.

6. What the swim-with industry will tell you:

Their dolphins are not forced to interact with people. Facilities in the
United States are required to provide designated rest areas where the
dolphins can go to avoid human contact when they are tired or want to be
alone. If the dolphins are interacting with people, it's because they want
to.

The Facts:
Even though swim-with facilities might offer access to "time out" areas
where dolphins can seek refuge from the groping hands of humans, a National
Marine Fisheries Service study reported that barriers do exist to keep
dolphins from using these sites. Dolphins may find that the areas are too
small to be used comfortably. Or, trainers may rotate the rest section so
often that the animals become confused as to where to go for a break.
Another obstacle is restrictive entryways, where dolphins find it difficuly
to gain access to these areas. Clearly, these "off-limits" areas may not
provide adequate sanctuary. In some cases, dolphins are actually forced to
leave these "time out" areas to interact with the paying customers.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

P.S. So what do I think about this?

Unethical

It's like saying that only Veterinarians can
help dogs and cats when they are sick or injured.

It makes NO sense.

Don't go swimming with the Dolphins in one of these
marine parks..

Friday, June 18, 2010

Link to the Animal Behaviour Consultants of SA Newsletter

Hi Everyone;
See the link below for the newest Animal Behaviour Consultants of SA General
Newsletter
(Accredited consultants receive a separate professional newsletter)


http://gallery.mailchimp.com/90eab9acc06f6f2284be7551e/files/General_Newslet
ter_June_July_2010.pdf

Hope you enjoy
Lou

Friday, June 11, 2010

FW: please spread this one around :) THANKU

 

 

From: Louise Bennett [mailto:louiseb@mccarthy.co.za]
Sent: 11 June 2010 11:34 AM
Subject: please spread this one around :) THANKU

 

 

 


From: Hazel Munro [mailto:hazelmunro@iafrica.com]
Sent: 09 June 2010 16:45
To: Lol (H) Kerr; Max Taylor; Angie Vos; Louise Bennett
Subject: please spread this one around :) THANKU

 

FIREWORKS

We're sure the headline grabbed your attention especially as we're in the middle of June.
Yet this is a year-round issue. If you have not already done so, please add your name to our "Anti Fireworks Pledge" on
http://www.nspca.co.za/ .

 It is not a petition.

Anyone signing this pledge is undertaking only to support outlets/stores/individuals that do not trade in fireworks.

We would like to use the strength of feeling in a few months to demonstrate to anyone trying to make money from fireworks that they do not have support.

Please tell family, friends and colleagues.

Clicker - Method vs Principle

Clicker training – method vs principle

By Karen Pryor taken from her newsletter

 

It’s a sunny spring afternoon in New England at the annual meeting of a group of animal behaviorists. I’m sitting on a folding chair alongside a small corral, watching some demonstrations with horses. My friend Tim Sullivan, curator of behavioural husbandry at the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago, is sitting on my left.

 

We’re watching a demonstration of clicker training. A calm old police horse is led into the corral and turned loose. The trainer stands on our side of the fence. She has a clicker, a bucket of feed, and a huge target stick that looks like a toilet plunger, with a big padded lump on one end.

 

The horse comes over to her. Click, treat. The trainer picks up the target stick, swings it over the fence, and jabs it at the horse. The horse has seen a lot of things in his life, but he’s never seen this. Startled, he throws up his head and backs away. I laugh.

 

Then I’m embarrassed. I don’t mean to humiliate the trainer; I should have kept my laugh to myself. The trainer coaxes the horse over again, shoves the target stick at him again, and startles him again, but less. In a few more tries she’s got him touching the target, and the fear, though still visible, is almost gone.

 

Tim Sullivan leans over to me and says, “You can always tell when a trainer is coming from method instead of principle.” Boy, can you ever! Golden words.

 

 

Method vs. principle

 

 

This trainer knew the method: present the target, click for touching the target, then treat. Repeat.

 

But, she was not relying on principles. One principle of shaping is that it is necessary to begin with something the animal is already doing—in this case, approaching the trainer. Nosing the end of a suddenly appearing large unknown object was definitely not in the existing repertoire. One would shape that event from a much simpler starting point.

 

Here’s another fundamental principle of training: fear decreases existing behaviour and increases avoidance behaviour. Did the trainer want to slow down the horse’s learning of a new behaviour? No. Did she want to develop avoidance behaviour, such as throwing up the head and backing away? Not really. She had a method, but not an understanding.

 

Watching, my take was, “Well, she’s not really one of us, a clicker trainer as we mean the term. Or she’s not one of us yet.” Tim Sullivan’s remark was more profound. You CAN always tell, but what, exactly, is the difference?

 

 

Principle-based training

 

 

The good news is that now that so many principles about behaviour, and how and why it changes, are understood, you don’t need natural talent plus 40 years of life lessons to be a highly effective trainer. Principles-based trainers keep the reinforcement contingencies clean and in effect from the start. Principles-based trainers observe their learners and keep emotional signals in mind as useful information about the training progress.

 

 

Methods are fun too

 

 

Of course I’m still interested in methods, though, aren’t you? The widening circle of people training from principles leads to invention of more and more new methods, which we gladly share with each other. This week on the KPA Alumni list I saw some new methods for teaching the obedience scent articles exercise, in which the dog selects, from a pile of predetermined objects, the only one that has its owner’s fresh scent on it. (I liked one of the new ideas enough to print it out for evening fun with my elderly poodle.)

 

Knowledge of principles also lets you weigh one method against another realistically, and include methods with a long tradition of use. (Quick: What’s contrary to shaping principles in the grand old method of scenting one article in the pile and tying down all the others so they can’t be picked up? Answer below.)

 

 

But methods alone aren’t enough

 

 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a new horse is in the corral. A TTouch practitioner, trained by Linda Tellington-Jones is massaging the front of the horse’s shoulder. It’s apparent that the horse likes this experience. He stretches out his neck as if she’s hit a particularly itchy spot. He waits for more when she stops; in fact he solicits more, by positioning his shoulder closer to her. I don’t know the neurological principles that explain this phenomenon. But I can see that the result is very reinforcing, and I wish I knew exactly what she was doing! It’s obviously a fine method for winning the confidence of a strange horse.

 

Thank goodness, I already know how to do that. And not just with horses—with anything with a nervous system. All you need is a few principles—and a click and a treat.

 

*Answer: The shaping procedure benefits from maintaining a high rate of reinforcement for correct responses. The tie-down method offers one correct response opportunity among many incorrect response opportunities, a ratio that is more likely to lead to extinction than to acquisition.

 

Happy clicking,

 

 Karen Pryor

Thursday, June 10, 2010

10 tips for dealing with pet loss

TEN TIPS ON COPING WITH PET LOSS

by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.

 

Anyone who considers a pet a beloved friend, companion, or family member knows the intense pain that accompanies the loss of that friend. Following are some tips on coping with that grief, and with the difficult decisions one faces upon the loss of a pet.

 

1.         Am I crazy to hurt so much?

            Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural. Don't let anyone tell    you that it's silly, crazy, or overly sentimental to grieve! During the years you      spent with your pet (even if they were few), it became a significant and constant            part of your life. It was a source of comfort and companionship, of unconditional    love and acceptance, of fun and joy. So don't be surprised if you feel devastated    by the loss of such a relationship. People who don't understand the pet/owner      bond may not understand your pain. All that matters, however, is how you feel.           Don't let others dictate your feelings: They are valid, and may be extremely             painful. But remember, you are not alone: Thousands of pet owners have gone         through the same feelings.

 

2.         What Can I Expect to Feel?

            Different people experience grief in different ways. Besides your sorrow and        loss, you may also experience the following emotions:

 

            Guilt may occur if you feel responsible for your pet's death-the "if only I had      been more careful" syndrome. It is pointless and often erroneous to burden      yourself with guilt for the accident or illness that claimed your pet's life, and only makes it more difficult to resolve your grief.

 

            Denial makes it difficult to accept that your pet is really gone.

            It's hard to imagine that your pet won't greet you when you come home, or that it         doesn't need its evening meal. Some pet owners carry this to extremes, and fear    their pet is still alive and suffering somewhere. Others find it hard to get a new           pet for fear of being "disloyal" to the old. Anger may be directed at the illness       that killed your pet, the driver of the speeding car, the veterinarian who "failed"    to save its life. Sometimes it is justified, but when carried to extremes, it             distracts you from the important task of resolving your grief. Depression is a       natural consequence of grief, but can leave you powerless to cope with your            feelings. Extreme depression robs you of motivation and energy, causing you to        dwell upon your sorrow.

 

3.         What can I do about my feelings?

            The most important step you can take is to be honest about your feelings. Don't deny your pain, or your feelings of anger and guilt. Only by examining and coming    to terms with your feelings can you begin to work through them.

            You have a right to feel pain and grief! Someone you loved has died, and you feel             alone and bereaved. You have a right to feel anger and guilt, as well. Acknowledge      your feelings first, then ask yourself whether the circumstances actually justify    them. Locking away grief doesn't make it go away. Express it. Cry, scream, pound       the floor, talk it out. Do what helps you the most. Don't try to avoid grief by not   thinking about your pet; instead, reminisce about the good times. This will help     you understand what your pet's loss actually means to you.

            Some find it helpful to express their feelings and memories in poems, stories, or letters to the pet. Other strategies including rearranging your schedule to fill in   the times you would have spent with your pet; preparing a memorial such as a            photo collage; and talking to others about your loss.

 

4.         Who can I talk to?

            If your family or friends love pets, they'll understand what you're going through.           Don't hide your feelings in a misguided effort to appear strong and calm! Working      through your feelings with another person is one of the best ways to put them in             perspective and find ways to handle them. Find someone you can talk to about how much the pet meant to you and how much you miss it-someone you feel          comfortable crying and grieving with.

            If you don't have family or friends who understand, or if you need more help, ask           your veterinarian or humane association to recommend a pet loss counsellor or   support group. Check with your church or hospital for grief counselling. Remember, your grief is genuine and deserving of support.

 

5.         When is the right time to euthanase a pet? Your veterinarian is the best judge of           your pet's physical condition; however, you are the best judge of the quality of           your pet's daily life. If a pet has a good appetite, responds to attention, seeks its    owner's company, and participates in play or family life, many owners feel that            this is not the time. However, if a pet is in constant pain, undergoing difficult and             stressful treatments that aren't helping greatly, unresponsive to affection,             unaware of its surroundings, and uninterested in life, a caring pet owner will          probably choose to end the beloved companion's suffering.

 

            Evaluate your pet's health honestly and unselfishly with your veterinarian.             Prolonging a pet's suffering in order to prevent your own ultimately helps neither           of you. Nothing can make this decision an easy or painless one, but it is truly the       final act of love that you can make for your pet.

 

6.         Should I stay during euthanasia?

            Many feel this is the ultimate gesture of love and comfort you can offer your pet.          Some feel relief and comfort themselves by staying: They were able to see that         their pet passed peacefully and without pain, and that it was truly gone. For many,           not witnessing the death (and not seeing the body) makes it more difficult to   accept that the pet is really gone. However, this can be traumatic, and you must        ask yourself honestly whether you will be able to handle it. Uncontrolled emotions           and tears-though natural-are likely to upset your pet. Some clinics are more open        than others to allowing the owner to stay during euthanasia. Some veterinarians         are also willing to euthanasia a pet at home. Others have come to an owner's car        to administer the injection. Again, consider what will be least traumatic for you    and your pet, and discuss your desires and concerns with your veterinarian. If             your clinic is not able to accommodate your wishes, request a referral.

 

7.         What do I do next?

            When a pet dies, you must choose how to handle its remains.

            Sometimes, in the midst of grief, it may seem easiest to leave the pet at the        clinic for disposal. Check with your clinic to find out whether there is a fee for         such disposal. Some shelters also accept such remains, though many If you prefer a more formal option, several are available. Home burial is a popular choice, if you    have sufficient property for it. It is economical and enables you to design your    own funeral ceremony at little cost. However, city regulations usually prohibit pet             burials, and this is not a good choice for renters or people who move frequently.

 

            Check with your veterinarian, pet shop, or phone directory for options available in            your area. Consider your living situation, personal and religious values, finances,            and future plans when making your decision. It's also wise to make such plans in        advance, rather than hurriedly in the midst of grief.

 

8.         What should I tell my children?

            You are the best judge of how much information your children can handle about death and the loss of their pet. Don't underestimate them, however. You may find            that, by being honest with them about your pet's loss, you may be able to address          some fears and misperceptions they have about death.

 

            Honesty is important. If you say the pet was "put to sleep," make sure your           children understand the difference between death and ordinary sleep. Never say    the pet "went away," or your child may wonder what he or she did to make it            leave, and wait in anguish for its return. That also makes it harder for a child to       accept a new pet. Make it clear that the pet will not come back, but that it is        happy and free of pain.

 

            Never assume a child is too young or too old to grieve. Never criticize a child for             tears, or tell them to "be strong" or not to feel sad. Be honest about your own          sorrow; don't try to hide it, or children may feel required to hide their grief as          well. Discuss the issue with the entire family, and give everyone a chance to work     through their grief at their own pace.

 

9.         Will my other pets grieve? Pets observe every change in a household, and are        bound to notice the absence of a companion. Pets often form strong attachments    to one another, and the survivor of such a pair may seem to grieve for its     companion. Cats grieve for dogs, and dogs for cats. You may need to give your      surviving pets a lot of extra attention and love to help them through this period.

            Remember that, if you are going to introduce a new pet, your surviving pets may   not accept the newcomer right away, but new bonds will grow in time. Meanwhile,     the love of your surviving pets can be wonderfully healing for your own grief.

 

10.       Should I get a new pet right away?

            Generally, the answer is no. One needs time to work through grief and loss before             attempting to build a relationship with a new pet. If your emotions are still in       turmoil, you may resent a new pet for trying to "take the place" of the old-for           what you really want is your old pet back. Children in particular may feel that           loving a new pet is "disloyal" to the previous pet.

 

            When you do get a new pet, avoid getting a "look-alike" pet, which makes    comparisons all the more likely. Don't expect your new pet to be "just like" the   one you lost, but allow it to develop its own personality. Never give a new pet the       same name or nickname as the old. Avoid the temptation to compare the new pet           to the old one: It can be hard to remember that your beloved companion also             caused a few problems when it was young!

 

            A new pet should be acquired because you are ready to move forward and build a            new relationship-rather than looking backward and mourning your loss. When you         are ready, select an animal with whom you can build another long, loving      relationship-because this is what having a pet is all about!

 

The moment after - surviving pet loss

The Moment After: Surviving Pet Loss

by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.

 

The world has just ended. Your pet -- your friend, your confidante, the companion who was always there for you -- has died. Dog, cat, horse, bird, hamster, ferret -- species does not matter. Age does not matter. All that matters is the huge hole that has just entered your life. That and the grief you are feeling right now!

 

Conventional wisdom suggests that I devote this column -- call it "the moment after" column -- to tips on how to start feeling better. However, if your pet has died within the past few hours or days, you may not be able to even imagine feeling better. You may be wondering how you can even survive. You may also not WANT to feel better. Painful as it is, that ragged, miserable hole may seem all you have left of your pet, and you may not want to get rid of it just yet. The thought of "feeling better" too quickly may actually seem disrespectful. You may feel that you owe your pet a period of grief, of pain. "Feeling better" may seem a lot like "letting go," and you may not be ready to do that yet.

 

That is OK. Grief and mourning are not some sort of awkward, embarrassing mental lapses that should be "gotten over" or "healed" as soon as possible. In reality, grief is our final expression of love, the last gift we have to offer. It is not to be rushed.

 

Instead of trying to "get over it," we must find ways to "get through it" -- and that can take awhile. Therefore, for this first column, I am not going to talk about how to "heal." I am going to talk about how to SURVIVE.

 

TEN WAYS TO HANG ON

When you face that huge emptiness inside, it's tempting to just give yourself over to grief. At the same time, a certain amount of survival instinct reminds you that you still need to do something to keep going. But what? Grief makes it hard to think, to plan. What can you do to keep that hole from swallowing you?

 

1)         Eat something. You may not feel hungry, but food is important. Grief burns a lot of energy;      you need fuel. Eat something that makes you feel good -- and if that happens to be a huge   slice of chocolate cake, well; this is no time to worry about your diet. Me, I like tomato soup;      it reminds me of sitting warm and snug by a fire while       the rain beats on the windows. If             you cannot face a full meal, nibble. Eat NOW, whether you want to or not.

 

2)        Cry. Cry as much as you want to, whenever you feel like it. Take the day off from work. If        you can spend even          one day crying whenever you need to, it will make it much, much easier       to face the next day.

 

3)        Find something to do. This may seem trite, but focusing on a task really does help. Finding a             project to complete, a task to accomplish, helps you focus on the world (and the "you") that             exists outside that hole. It is not a distraction, and it will not make your grief go away.            It simply helps you adjust your perception, to recognize that while grief is PART of your    life, it             is not the sum total of your life.

 

4)        Count your blessings. When you lose a loved one, it is hard to focus on anything positive.             Unless your    circumstances are truly dreadful, however, chances are that your pet was not      the only good thing in your life. Remind yourself of some of the good things that you still     have by deliberately reviewing a list of your "blessings" -- such as your family, your            remaining pets, your friends, your interests. Review them in your head, or write them down.        Again, these do not fill the hole -- but they do remind you that there is a world outside that     hole, and that you are still part of it.

 

5)        Reflect on things that do not involve your pet. The loss of your pet may seem to touch every             aspect of your life, but in reality, it has not changed EVERYTHING. Reflect on the things it     has not changed -- the things that      you did and enjoyed without your pet.

            When my cat died of cancer, I forced myself to remember that, "The loss of my pet doesn't             take away my            ability to enjoy long talks with my husband. It does not take away my ability to        write. It does not take away my ability to read a good book. It does not take away my    ability to create beautiful things. It doesn't take away my ability to enjoy a long walk on    the beach..." Focus on those things that your pet did not "touch" while it was alive --          and you will be reminded of the things that have not really been "touched" by its death.

 

6)        Cuddle something furry. If you have another pet, give it some extra cuddle time -- even             though part of your             mind is thinking, “this is not the pet you WANT to cuddle”. It is still             warm, and furry, and may be very confused and concerned right now. If you do not have             another pet, consider cuddling a stuffed animal.           Spouses are nice, but you need fur. Curl up             in bed with a stuffed animal and a heating pad; it is lots better than lying in the dark wishing   you had something furry to touch.

 

7)        Avoid irrevocable decisions. Do not do anything you cannot undo.

            For example, if you cannot stand the sight of your pet's toys do not throw them away -- put             them out of sight. A            week or a month from now, you may wish you had them again, perhaps to        incorporate into a memorial, and you will bitterly regret any hasty actions that cannot be             undone. Similarly, do not rush out and get a new pet until you have had time to think.

 

8)        Replace negative imagery. The last moments of your pet's life can become a powerful image -   - whether you witnessed them or not. Unless you want that image to overwhelm your positive       memories, start working on       replacing it with something more pleasant. If you believe that           pets go on to an afterlife, for example, try replacing the image of the "last" moment of      your pet's life with the "next" moment: The moment it arrives, healthy and whole, on            the other side. What happens then? Who greets it? What does it do? Fill your mind          with "the moment after." If you do not believe in an afterlife, concentrate on the special       things you did for your pet to make THIS life a blessing for it.

 

 

9)        Be honest with yourself. You have been wounded and you hurt. You are not weak, crazy, or             overly             sentimental to feel this way. Even if you have to put on a "brave face" for the rest of        the world, do not try to fool yourself into thinking that you are not really in all that       much pain. If you cut your hand off, it would not     help to get angry with yourself for bleeding      -- and losing your pet is a lot like losing a part of yourself. You     WILL hurt, and it will take             time to heal.

 

10)      Make a decision to work through grief. You have heard the saying,

            "Time heals all wounds." That is not true. Time does not heal all physical wounds (try cutting     off your hand and just ignoring it!) -- and it does not heal all emotional wounds either.

 

I have met people whose grief has persisted for years: They are just as upset, just as angry, just as miserable over their loss as they were the day it happened. Such people tend to be consumed with bitterness, obsessing over their loss -- and not only do they suffer, but they also bring suffering to everyone around them.

 

Grief is normal, but it is also seductive. It is very tempting to let it "take over." Before you do, think about how you feel today, and ask yourself if you want to feel exactly the same way in six months, or a year. Notice that I am not asking you to decide how you want to feel today. Today, you may not have much choice -- any more than you could choose not to feel pain if you were physically injured.

 

Your decision about how to MANAGE that injury, however, would be crucial in determining whether, a year from now, you are healed – or crippled. The same is true of grief. You cannot control whether or not you grieve. However, you can decide whether or not to let that grief control YOU. And these ten "survival steps" are a good way to ensure that it doesn't!

 

Pet Loss

Through the course of their lives most dog owners have to face the death of a beloved dog. The sad fact is that our treasured companions do not live as long as we do.

Western cultures do not allow for much expression of grief, and death is often considered a taboo subject for discussion. Many people, even our closest friends, feel uncomfortable about talking to us about our losses. Because of this, we are sometimes most alone just at the time we most need support. This applies especially for the death of a pet, as our society often does not acknowledge loss of a companion animal to be a significant cause for grief. With this article, it is hoped that learning about factors involved in the pain of grief may help to accept that loss and grieving are a normal part of our lives, that the grief is real, valid, and appropriate and that your pain can be expressed to others. Then can begin the process of healing and building new relationships.

What are grief, bereavement and mourning?

Grief can be defined as an emotional response to a perceived loss. It does not have to be the response to death. In fact, as I will discuss later, grieving usually involves the loss of many different things. This article concentrates on grief from the death of a dog, and losses associated with that death. Bereavement refers to a state that follows a loss, which may be from death, loss of employment, or marriage. Culture usually determines what is considered appropriate reason for bereavement, and pet loss is not usually included. Mourning is the outward expression of loss, including rituals and customs.

For most people, the first loss of a loved one can be the strongest and most overwhelming experience they have had. Its very intensity can be frightening and seem uncontrollable.

Normal Grief

It is commonly expected that a death will lead to grief. Many people will have heard about different stages of grief suggested by Kubler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These days it is thought that grief does not necessarily follow any set pattern, and some of these stages may not be present at all. It has since been suggested that typically, the period of bereavement includes 4 phases of shock and numbness, yearning and searching, disorganization and despair, and reorganization.

Grief usually has many components including physical and emotional distress, preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased, and disruption to daily living.

Complicated grief

Grief may be complicated for many reasons, and may make it harder to resolve your feelings. This may occur if you have other unresolved losses where you were unable to express your feelings honestly, you have little social support, there was a particularly complex or ambivalent relationship with the deceased, feeling guilt, where the death was untimely. Also both deaths that are sudden and unexpected, and deaths that occur after long illnesses can lead to complicated grief. There can be many other factors also.

Anticipatory grief

Grief does not necessarily begin with the death of a dog. You may have started well before your dog actually died, and the death itself may actually bring about an initial feeling of relief. This is particularly the case with a long and difficult illness, when you have had warning that your dog is likely to die. However, it does not mean you will feel less pain when the actual death occurs.

Getting through grief and moving on

Worden, a prominent researcher in the field of grief, has identified 4 major tasks involved in moving through the process of loss.

* To accept the reality of the loss

* To experience the pain of loss

* To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. This definitely takes time. So many of our thoughts and actions are automatic – we assume that things remain the same. It can be a shock each morning to realize that there is no need to refill the food bowl.

* To withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in other activities. This may involve considering getting another dog.


Why does it hurt so much? How much have you actually lost?

Certainly, not all people react to the death of a dog in the same way. Each person, each dog and each relationship is unique and has unique components. Loss does not involve simply the physical presence of the dog. The psychosocial benefits of living with a dog are well documented and include social support, companionship, an increased sense of our own worth and the emotional bond we have with our dog. These are part of what you are grieving. You will be reminded of the special things you did with your dog by their absence. The losses may not be tangible – they may be the emotions that your dog elicited from you. You may have lost the good feeling you had when your dog put his head on your lap, or when he wagged his tail at the sound of your voice. The laughter that came when he did something silly, and the assistance you received when weeding the garden. The warm feeling when you arrived home to find him waiting at the door to welcome you. So the degree of daily interaction you had with your dog will influence the number of losses, and therefore the degree of grief.

Guilt

This merits a paragraph of its own, due to the significant role it has in making a normal grief complicated. We are very good at “beating up on ourselves” when we are feeling low. There may have been aspects or decisions that we may have made differently with the benefit of hindsight, that had an impact on our beloved dogs life or death. The only useful thing that can be done is to learn from the experience for the future. We need to be kind to ourselves at this time. We are all fallible humans, and do the best we can to get through our lives. Some people can feel relief with the death of their dog after a long illness, and experience guilt because of this. Again, this is perfectly normal. Some people feel guilt if they think they are grieving more for a loved dog than for a human they have lost. There are no rules about how much we should grieve – these sorts of “shoulds” are not helpful either. For ourselves, we should not minimize how much the dog means to us.

Special features of grief with companion animals

All grieving is painful, and for those of us whose dogs are an integral part of our lives, the loss of a dog is not different that the loss of a close friend. However there are some aspects of pet loss that are not common with the loss of a human, and some of these may make your loss more difficult to deal with.

* Loss of a dog may often involve decision making about when to end the life. How comfortable you are with the decision will affect how you grieve. As mentioned above, guilt can play a role with how the decision was made, and can either be a comfort or a source of guilt depending on how you feel about your actions. This decision can be a terrible dilemma for some people. “Did I make the decision quickly enough? Did I let him suffer? Should I have let her keep going? Did I give in too quickly?” are common questions that grieving dog owners may ask themselves? Sometimes guilt may revolve around the financial aspects of veterinary care – “was I unwilling to pay large vet bills?” However euthanasia is the most loving gift for a dog that is suffering, has lost his quality of life and has no chance of improvement.

*Another aspect is the simple fact that we gain so much support from our canine friends – they can be a source of unconditional love that will help us through our difficult times – and not only do we have to deal with the loss of the dog herself, but her support is no longer there to help us.

* Not all people around us appreciate the integral role that a beloved dog may have in our lives. There may be some around who may minimize your loss, and expect you to get over your grief more quickly than you are ready to. This may also include employers who do not appreciate the degree of pain you are in. Ensure that you seek others who value their companion animals as you do, and who can allow you to express your feelings honestly. There are many who feel as you do.

* Another factor is that while the ritual of a funeral marks the death of a human loved one, losing a dog does not have such a custom. Rituals have important functions in allowing the bereaved to proceed to acceptance by acknowledging your loss in a supportive environment.

Allow yourself time and tears. Don’t overburden yourself with difficult tasks – your concentration may be decreased. It is also important to attend to yourself in the simple matters of daily living. Ensure that you continue to maintain a balanced diet. Avoid excessive alcohol or drugs. As you are in a stressed state, you are more liable to pick up colds and flu, as your immune system is weakened. Avoid making important decisions while you are in a vulnerable state.


What can I do to feel better?

There is no magic pill that can remove the pain completely. With time the feelings will become less intense. However there are activities that may help you to focus on the happy memories you shared. Some people find the following useful:

* Writing poetry or a letter for your dog to express your feelings for him or her
* Arrange photos in a special album
* A memorial page on the web (if you don’t have a web page of your own, there are specific sites that welcome photos and poetry to memorialize your dog).
* Joining a email group – there are several that provide support from people who have also lost their dogs
* Have your own ritual. Invite like-minded and supportive people to share in memories of your dog.
* Plant a rose or tree for your dog
* Sponsor an animal in the zoo in memory of your dog
* Read a self-help book. There are many available on grieving
* If your grief is overwhelming and causes major disruption to your daily life over a long time, consider seeking help. There are counsellors and psychotherapists who are sensitive to the needs of people who are grieving for their pets. However ensure that they have the same qualifications you would expect for grief counselling for humans (eg psychologist, social worker, counsellor of professional association).


The new dog in your life

The decision when, or whether to get another dog is a very personal one, and should be done in your own time when you feel comfortable. It should not happen when another well-meaning person thinks it should happen. Again, there is no “right” or “wrong”. You may feel ready soon after you lose your dog – this may be the case if your dog had a long illness and your grieving started long before the death. Ensure that you feel happy with the timing – some well-meaning people may try to give you a dog or puppy in order to replace your previous dog. Others may try to talk you out of getting a dog when you feel ready.

You know best.

Some people find themselves preoccupied with the health of the new dog, with fears of his or her death. This is quite normal as the pain is so fresh for you; it is natural that you are anxious that you may experience it again soon. Again, this will become less intense over time.

The path through grief is never easy. Each of our dogs is unique and irreplaceable. However as life and death are two sides of the same coin, so are love and grief. Make life easy for yourself until you can remember your loved dog with more smiles than tears, and you know the time is right to begin a new, unique and perfect bond with another, who will benefit from the caring person you are.

Here I have included a well-known poem that many people find helpful when thinking of their pets who have died.

Author Rita Bruche

PRE - LOSS BEREAVEMENT

"PRE-LOSS BEREAVEMENT" AND THE POWER OF BARGAINING

  by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.

 

There is a stage of grief that one hears very little, if anything, about. It is the hidden stage, a stage that friends and family may have difficulty understanding. It is a stage when people are most likely to ask why you are grieving -- because your pet has not even died yet!

 

It is the stage I call "pre-loss bereavement." It begins when you realize, with absolutely no wiggle-room for argument that your pet is going to die. You do not know when, but you know loss is coming.

It may not even be coming soon; your pet may have weeks, months, even a year or more of life ahead. But you know that you reached "the beginning of the end."

 

It may begin with a diagnosis of a final, incurable disease or condition. When an older cat is diagnosed with borderline kidney failure, for example, you know that you may be able to take steps to manage the problem and keep "full failure" at bay for a time—but you're never going to be able to accomplish a "cure." Or, it may begin when you look at your pet with "newly opened eyes," and notice changes in its health or condition that have been taking place slowly over time.

 

When a pet gradually loses weight, for example, it is easy to overlook subtle, ongoing changes to its appearance, because you never see a sudden, dramatic alteration. Then, one day, you look at your pet and realize that you can see every rib, every bump of its spine.

 

Whatever the trigger, pre-loss bereavement begins when you realize not just intellectually, but emotionally, that you are going to lose your pet. It is something you have always "known," from the day you brought your pet home -- but now it is not simply known, but FELT, deeply, keenly, painfully. Now, you may find yourself in something of a "pet loss limbo" -- you begin to grieve the loss that is coming, but there is no "closure" to your grief. You cannot "get over it" because the loss hasn't actually happened yet. And you know that things are only going to get worse before they get better.

 

This is the period in which you are likely to experience all the classic Kubler-Ross "stages" of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Denial may have preceded this stage, vanishing like a toxic bubble the day you accept and acknowledge the diagnosis or changes in your pet -- or, it may resurface from time to time, as you try to convince yourself that your pet's condition isn't really THAT bad.

 

Anger can come at odd times -- when, for example, you think you are taking your pet to the vet for the last time, and manage to psyche yourself up to make the most painful decision, only to have an unexpected "reprieve." Yes, of course you are glad to bring your pet home again -- but you may feel a twinge of irrational anger at having had to go through all that for "nothing", only to have to go through it again. Depression comes and goes as you contemplate a future without your pet.

 

But the most common reaction to this stage is likely to be bargaining -- bargaining with your pet, your vet, yourself, or your higher power for ANYTHING that will extend (or improve) the life of your pet.

 

I know this stage well, because I'm experiencing it yet again. Two years ago, my 15-year-old cat, Nani, was diagnosed with borderline kidney disease. At the time, she seemed to be deteriorating rapidly; I doubted she had more than a few months to live. And so I entered the "bargaining" stage (or, for some of us, the "begging" stage).But what could I bargain FOR? I knew I could not hope for a cure. We weren't sure how old Nani was, as she was a young adult when we adopted her, but we knew she was at least 15 and possibly 16. While cats occasionally live to 20 or longer, such lifespan are rare, and not likely in a cat already suffering from kidney disease. So what could I ask (and pray) for that might have some chance of success?

 

I chose to ask for "time." I realized, looking at my wasting-thin kitty, that Nani had been suffering from a certain amount of "attention neglect" over the previous year. We had recently undergone a stressful move and job change, cramming ourselves, our goods and three cats into a very small duplex. Nani had not been getting the same amount of lap time, cuddle time, and sleep-on-your-face time that she had enjoyed previously.

 

I felt a surge of guilt; if only I could have some TIME to make that up to her. Give me time, I asked, to make sure that in her final days, she feels loved; give me time to give her the attention and cuddling that means so much to her. My part of the "bargain," of course, was to provide those things!

 

Miraculously, time was given. In 1999, I doubted Nani would survive six months; she has already survived for two years. Each time she seemed to slip toward the edge, a change of diet would bring about an amazing rally. Even though she lost nearly 1/6 of her original weight, and underwent surgery for a lymphoma, she has hung in there.

 

More importantly, she has had "time" to enjoy renewed attention. She has had two more years to curl up on whomever is resting (or sleeping) in the recliner (and if you're "resting," a curled-up, purring Nani is almost certain to put you to sleep). She has had time to play with the other cats, and even to chase 18-pound Brisco down the hall if he forgets his manners. She has had time to watch the birds at the bird-feeder, and the squirrels at the squirrel-feeder. Her one disappointment is that we no longer allow her on the top shelf of the closet, for fear she might jump down and injure herself.

 

This past week, we've looked at Nani and come to the conclusion that "time" may be running out. Her weight loss has accelerated, and a reaction to a prescribed medication made her seriously ill. Though she has managed yet another rally, we can see that she is slower, stiffer, weaker, thinner. We suspect that within a month, the decision will have to be made (though she could surprise us yet). We face this prospect with acceptance, however. We have a peace in our hearts about what must come, because we have had a chance, in the last two years, to make sure that Nani's last days were as happy and comfortable as we could make them.

 

Despite the grief of the "pet loss limbo" period, we have the comfort of knowing that death didn't take us by surprise; we weren't left regretting the things we hadn't done, or wishing that we'd had a chance to do things differently. We kept the first half of our bargain (making life better for Nani), and now we face the second half: Letting Nani go.

 

While some psychologists consider bargaining to be nothing more than a mental game we play to avoid or ignore grief, I believe it can be genuinely helpful -- provided one is realistic about the process. If you find yourself in "pet loss limbo," you may find that "bargaining" is an effective way to ease your passage from grief to acceptance. Here are some tips on "healthy" bargaining:

 

1) Be realistic about your pet's condition. Don't expect a complete, miraculous cure; you'll only be disappointed. Instead, look for ways to work within and around that condition to extend and improve your pet's life.

 

2) Focus your efforts on your pet's well-being, not your own. Don't try to make a "bargain" with God or the universe just to keep yourself from feeling pain, or to postpone that pain. Instead, use this time to seek ways to improve your pet's life and comfort level.

By doing so, you'll enhance your own ability to accept the inevitable.

 

3) Use whatever time your pet has left to take care of "unfinished business." If you haven't spent as much time with your pet as you'd like, spend it now. If there are special treats or experiences that your pet particularly enjoys, use this time to provide them. The best way to spend this time is to ensure that, when your pet dies, you aren't left with regrets and self-recriminations.

 

4) Seek a balance between your pet's health and its general comfort and happiness. Often, for example, a pet may loathe the "special diet" that is prolonging its life. If your pet starts losing weight because it refuses to eat a prescription diet, you may not be doing it any favours by withholding its preferred foods. Similarly, if life-prolonging treatments are more stressful or painful than the disease they're designed to cure, you may need to make a decision about "quality" of life vs. "length" of life.

 

5) Keep your side of the "bargain." If you've asked for "time" to give your pet extra love and attention, and you miraculously RECEIVE that time, use it! It may, indeed, be a miracle.

 

6) Be prepared to take "no" for an answer. I firmly believe in the power of prayer, but not all prayers are answered as we would wish. If you seek to "bargain" in the last days of your pet's life, you must accept the possibility that you won't get what you're asking for. If and when that occurs, don't waste time and emotional energy blaming yourself or the universe for failing to respond to your wishes.

 

7) Understand that a "bargain" isn't going to change the final outcome. If your pet has a terminal illness, you may gain the gift of time -- but it is a temporary gift. Use that time, not only to improve your pet's quality of life, but to come to terms with the inevitability of loss. You may find that this precious gift of time is just what you need to work through many of the other emotions of grief, so that you can face the final loss of your pet with a measure of acceptance and peace.